Angela Ai

How It All Began: Part One…

11 years ago, I did not call myself an Artist.  I did not call myself a Musician.  I COULD not call myself a Singer, Songwriter or Actress.

I called myself a Permanent Temp.

I truly thought that I was destined to be a temp - FOREVER. And what made it worse was that I was a GOOD temp!  I mean, like, way-overqualified temp.  I graduated from The Wharton School of Business at The University of Pennsylvania with a Bachelor of Science in Economics with a concentration in Finance.

Ha!

Chantelle Tibbs wrote me a beautiful email asking me if I had written any articles and said that she felt her “readers would benefit from hearing from an actual musician who also has business savvy.” I thought to myself, “Business savvy?  Me!  Hahahahahahahahahaha….”

No, I’ve never written any articles.  And I’m not too sure how much business savvy I have.  I certainly don’t have all the answers.  But, here’s a bit of my story.  I hope it’s helpful…

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After graduating from college, I went to New York City to become a Securities Analyst.  Not a Security Guard but I might as well have done that – I probably would’ve been better at it.  A Securities Analyst – someone who analyzed stocks to see if they were worth buying/holding or if it was time to sell.  I had various sectors I was responsible for: Retail (yes - made sense – I’m a girl, I like clothes), Footwear (yeah, okay), Aerospace Defense (what the ?*!).

I stayed at that company for two years and made a decent income but became increasingly miserable.  I had started calling in sick because, well, I just didn’t want to analyze another company and pretend to know what the hell I was talking about.  One day I called in sick, and then actually got sick!!  That pushed me over the edge.  It was time for me to do something different.

All I have ever wanted to do was sing.  And write songs.  I told that to my friend, Dan, and he said, “Then, why don’t you do that?”  It was all the encouragement that I needed.

My then boyfriend had a friend who’s dad worked at The Manhattan School of Music.  I spoke to him about going back to school.  They had a jazz vocal program and though I didn’t really even like jazz then,  I figured, “Well, I’ve played classical piano for 13 years.  If I study jazz, I’ll have the foundation to write anything that I want!”

So, I applied.  I got in.  Only one problem.  I had to pay for school.  $12,500 a year.  I’d never paid for school before.  So, I called my mom.  When I told her that I was quitting my job to go to school for music, she stopped speaking to me for two months.  So, I went to the Financial Aid office.  The financial aid officer said they had run out of money to give out any more loans.  I sat there and cried right in front of him.  He gave me a loan.  My first loan.

I went for two years.  2 loans totalling $25,000 plus interest.  I started temping.  I was making about $20/hr part-time.   I had been making about $40,000 a year at my Securities Analyst job. For a girl just out of college, I had been able to pay for rent, eat out, go to NYC clubs, buy fun clothes and take taxis. When I stopped working there, I didn’t stop going out or buying clothes.  Even though I was making less than half my former salary, I didn’t stop myself from buying anything really.  I got a new computer, a new piano, lots of new things on my new credit card.  And when that credit card got full, I just got another one.  And another one.  And another one.  And another one.

By the time, I was done with school, I had about $10,000 in credit card debt plus the student loans.  I was still temping, started singing in jazz clubs, and got into an Italian wedding band, but I was still not making enough money to cover my bills.  Three years after school, I had amassed another $15,000 in credit card debt.  So that combined with my student loan put me in a drowning state of $50,000 + in the red.

I was scared and desperate.

Desperate is a good place for me.  That is, it’s usually the only place where I will ask for help.  I heard a friend talking about a support group dealing with people who were in debt.  I went.  I learned.  I changed.  It was that easy.  And that hard.

I’ve decided to make a list of what I stopped doing and what I started doing to eliminate my debt because I personally find it helpful to read articles of this sort in this format.  However, I would like to add that the following is an oversimplification of my process.  There are so many more details of my story that I’m not including otherwise this would be a novel and not an article.  Still, the points listed below cannot be minimized in how huge an impact they had (and still have) in my life.
WHAT I STOPPED DOING:

1. USING CREDIT CARDS.  I cut them up.  All 5 of them.

1. INCURRING ANY FURTHER UNSECURED DEBT.  If I couldn’t pay for it in cash, I didn’t buy it.  That meant that I stopped buying things I couldn’t afford.  Not just for myself.  One of the hardest things to stop buying was lavish gifts for other people.

1. BORROWING.  I was always borrowing things from friends and then not returning them.  For a while,  I didn’t even borrow things like library books because I would be too scared that I would return them late (which I usually did).

1. PAYING FOR THINGS AFTER THE DUE DATE.  Like rent or electric or phone bills.  Because when I did that, I would usually incur a fee.  Which is incurring unsecured debt (see #2).

1. USING MY CHECKING PLUS. That’s the overdraft line where, in case you go over what’s in your checking account, they will cover it for a fee plus interest (which can be a lot!) Again, goes back to #2 but important to note.  In fact, I got rid of it completely.

1. TALKING TO MY PARENTS ABOUT MY FINANCIAL SITUATION.  My mom eventually did start talking to me again and mostly was worried about my money.  When I told her that I no longer wanted to talk about my finances with her, I was worried she would be upset, but I think she was relieved.  Furthermore, it was an out.  I think in my head, they were always a back-up, like the credit cards.  Not talking to them about this meant taking responsibility, growing up.  Scary step.

1. HIDING.  I was so ashamed about my situation.  But, I started sharing my situation with people who could and did help me (not enable me).  Though I still felt shame, I also started feeling hope and relief.

WHAT I STARTED DOING:

1. KEEPING TRACK OF THE MONEY I SPENT.  ALL OF IT. I had been so unclear about my income and my expenses.  I needed a way to start gaining some clarity.  Now, this was tedious at first.  I got a little notepad and started writing down all the money I spent during the day – things like tea, the post office, taxis – I mean every cent.  It’s AMAZING how much I spend on the “little things.”

1. CALLING CREDITORS.  If I was going to stop incurring any further unsecured debt, I was going to have to tell my creditors that I would have to pay less money monthly.  At the time, I was paying anywhere from 15-20% interest on my credit cards.  When I called them, every one of them brought the rate down.  Later on, I was able to switch to 0% or 1% interest rate cards.  My student loan company miraculously gave me a one year moratorium on my payments without added interest!  That’s when I started learning that if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

1. PAYING MY BILLS UPON RECEIPT OF BILL. Even though I had stopped paying for things after the due date, I still had the tendency to wait until the last minute to pay for things.   This caused many hours of incredible anxiety but I got some good anaerobic exercise in running like an insane woman to pay my bills on time.  So much of the anxiety was lessened as a result of paying early – even though I was scared that I wouldn’t be left with enough money for later (which never happened).

1. SETTING UP THE AUTOMATIC WITHDRAWAL OPTION TO PAY FOR BILLS.   This guaranteed timely payments and a lesser chance of a heart attack.  Plus, it’s good for the environment!

1. LEARNING HOW TO USE QUICKEN.  Not for everyone.  But, I had a friend teach me and within 2 hours, I learned a tool that I have used almost daily for years.  It’s accounting software that has helped me keep track of my income and expenses and helps me with the next thing…

1. CREATING A SPENDING PLAN.  Otherwise known as a budget.  Every month, I tally up my income and expenses and put it in a spreadsheet.  I use Microsoft Excel, but I know other people who use blank sheets of paper or those lined accounting pads you can buy at the drugstore.  At the end of the month, I create a plan for the following month of all the income I anticipate receiving along with my expected expenses.

1. MAKING A LIST OF 100 WAYS TO BRING IN MONEY. This is actually a very powerful tool. I think I read about it or a friend suggested it.  The idea is that when you start to think of ways to generate income, your brain starts to work in that direction – it’s a prosperous mindset as opposed to a deprivational mindset.  It works for me everytime.  And, usually, when I start to take action on 1 or 2 of my ideas, I generate income and a lot of good energy.

1. SEPARATING MY PERSONAL, JOINT AND BUSINESS EXPENSES. I used to just put it all together which made me a little crazy and completely foggy as to what was mine, what was ours (me & my husband’s) and what was my business’s.  But, I have learned that these are 3 separate entities and must be treated as such.  It’s a little more work but COMPLETELY worth it.

1. READING BOOKS. There’s lots of good books out there about getting free of debt, generating more income and having a prosperous attitude.

1. PRAYING.  Remember, I was desperate.  And furthermore, it seemed to work.

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One might think that as I was paying off my debt, I was the truly starving temp.  I was not.  I had learned an important lesson.  In fact, I learned many important lessons.

Lesson #1: I AM MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY DEBT.  That meant that it was more important to pay for food, shelter, clothing, transportation, doctor checkups, other forms of healthcare including dentists, yoga, massages – things like that.  It was not an easy lesson to learn.  Once I was committed to paying off my debt, I wanted to pay it off quickly.  But, putting myself first gave me more energy.  It helped me feel better about myself and as a result, I started to earn more.  Which meant I had more money.  Which meant that I could pay off my debts more easily.

Lesson #2:  WHEN I AM WORRIED ABOUT MONEY, IT IS ENERGY THAT IS STOLEN FROM OTHER MORE WORTHY THINGS. I’m pretty sure this is some kind of spiritual law.  The less I worry about money, the more energy and focus I have to give to things that truly matter to me.  Like my music and acting.  Like my relationships.  Like having fun in life.

Lesson #3:  WHEN I START TO WORRY ABOUT MONEY, I CAN ASK FOR HELP. My desperation levels have changed – meaning that the level of desperation I reached 11 years ago is very different from what I call desperate today.  I am now able to tolerate much less obsession over money matters.  When I get in the crazy head, in the fear, in the “Oh-my-god-what-am-I-going-to-do-this-month-to-make-money?” place, these are some of the things I do.  I write to my Guides (I call God “My Guides”).  I go to my support group.  I make phone calls to friends who I trust and who know me and don’t judge me when I’m in this place.  They just let me share my feelings – because….

Lesson #4:  IT’S NEVER ABOUT THE MONEY.  When I’m worried about money, I try to feel what it is I’m really feeling underneath that.  Usually, I’m feeling scared.  I THINK it’s that I’m scared I won’t have any money.  But, even when I was making $8000 a year, I had money. Even when I only had $25 in my checking  account.  I had a roof over my head.  I had clothing.  I had food.  I had friends and family.  I’ve always had money.  So, it’s not about the money.  It’s about feeling the feelings.  I’m feeling scared that I’m not going to be taken care of, that the universe is going to stop doling out it’s gifts to me, that I will really be homeless this time, that I will never have the life I truly want, that I don’t have time to finish everything…just scared, scared, scared.  And then, I look around and remember…

Lesson #5:  BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE. As I am writing this, I am in Quebec, Canada.  I’m here with my husband and a friend skiing.  They are skiers.  I….ski.  Anyway, the other day, I was skiing down a black diamond slope – accidentally.  I had made a wrong turn and got on this very scary, mogul-filled slope.  I stood there in the middle of slope paralyzed.  There was nowhere to go but down.  All these skiers raced by me.  I continued to stand there.  I breathed.  I prayed.  And I was still terrified.  But, I remembered this lesson.  BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT I HAVE.  I asked myself, “What if this is all I ever have in my life?  What if this is the best I ever do?  Well, I am grateful that I know this about skiing:  lean towards the bottom of the hill not away from it, bend my knees, keep my feet flat on the ground, relax and take it slow.”

If I keep my focus on what I have and not on what I don’t have, I will eventually get to the bottom of the hill.   And that’s a wonderful place to be…
p.s.  I paid off all $50,000 of my student loan and credit card debt as of Fall 2008.

p.p.s.  I’m not a Permanent Temp anymore.  More on that in my next article…